Peek-a-boo

Today we played lots and lots of peek-a-boo. We seem to do this any day that she's a little out of sorts and needing extra blankie time. She woke up from her nap and grabbed her blankie when I reached to pick her up, so I knew she wasn't feeling quite herself. She LOVES her blankie, which honestly...I totally love. I don't know about you, but I had a security item and its a constant I reminder from my childhood and something I still smile at just the thought of. I was a blankie baby as well, my grandmother- Meme, made me a blanket when I was born and that poor thing has seen better days, but it's still around tucked away safely in my hope chest. Emilie's grandmother, Grammie Becca, knitted her a blanket and she's had it since before she was born. She's been napping with it since she was three months old (it has holes in it and we have a video monitor...take a breath!! LOL) and sleeping with it at night since six months old. In the last several months she's become more and more attached to it and now I find her snuggled up with it in the night instead of just leaving it draped over her. I love seeing her snuggle her blankie and it makes me so happy that its something her Grammie made her much like the one my Meme made for me.

I feel like I just wrote in circles about absolutely nothing! Sorry about that! I was thinking today about how much being a Mom has really changed me. A girlfriend and I were talking this evening about life changes. Specifically work changes. Both of us are in the midst of our work lives changing and we discussed that we used to care a lot more about the WHAT we were doing. Titles used to be so much more important. In fact, I can honestly say that when it comes to work/career...I only understand labels and titles. My grandparents were teachers, my mom a nurse, and I am a designer. My degree is in Interior Design, I've spent years working in the various parts of the industry but am not at all where I would imagined, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, its just different than I planned. Plan...I should just laugh at that word. My mom said it best when she said "the best way to make God laugh...is to make a plan". How true is that?! ANYWAYS...We both agreed that although its hard for us to wrap our heads around the feeling...neither of us care as much about what we're doing anymore. Its just about doing what it takes to provide for our family in the way they need. And that need is different for every family. I have no idea what the future holds for us, but if I've learned anything at all in the past few years I've learned that my plans for our future might as well be written on toilet paper and flushed straight down. I'm being completely serious about this. If you had any idea what kinds of things we've faced in the last four years you'd agree with me. I'm a planner. I'm an OBSESSIVE planner. So this is a VERY difficult concept for me to grasp...but I'm working on only taking one day on at a time. To make the best decision for our family I can on that day and just pray and trust that it will take us where we're supposed to be. Because I have NO CLUE where we are supposed to be...that much is clear. My plans of where we were supposed to be have been proved wrong, wrong, and wrong again. So my new plan...my new goal...is no plans. Take each day as it comes, put one foot in front of the other, make the best decisions we can make on that day, and learn to trust. So instead of making plans or pulling the blanket over my face and hiding...I'm going to take a note from my daughter and just smile.

First Temper Tantrum

Mind you she's only 13 Months old...but yesterday we had our first full out temper tantrum! And I couldn't help but crack up! We had gotten her dressed for her boyfriends first birthday party, she was in a cute pink onesie and an overall jumper from her Grammie. I THINK that the jumper was too long and it bothered her when she crawled and then would pull the metal at the shoulders down bothering her shoulders...but since she can't tell me, that's just a guess. What I do know is that she sat in the floor yelling and pulling at the shoulder straps! She would not stop yelling and tugging until I finally undid them, then she was perfectly happy. It was hysterical!! Luckily we had another equally cute denim jumper to put her in that was a little shorter and didn't seem to bother her at all. Needless to say...my one year old already has an opinion on her clothes! OY...we're in trouble!

On another random note, I had a conversation with a friend Friday that has stuck with me about faith. We were talking about the big life changes we were facing and I mentioned a favorite part of the Ruth Graham book I've been reading. She talks about worry and anxiety in not knowing which direction to go when faced with a life change. Her advice is to just walk through the open doors until one closes, then walk through the next open one. Even if we don't know what's on the other side He does...and we need to have faith that He will point us in the right direction, even if it isn't the route we would have chosen to take. I told my friend that this is an incredibly hard concept for me, I like to have a plan. I've been told that I was bad about this as a small child, its just how I've always been. So I tend to want to stand on the outside of the door peeking in to see what's inside instead of taking the leap of faith and just walking through. Again we're back to the fact that I'm a CHICKEN! I was faced with having to take that giant leap this week and walk through a door. I won't know for a while what the effects of that decision will be, but I have faith that it was the right decision. I'm proud of myself for just moving...its so easy to stay stuck in fear and I didn't let that happen.

Oh...and we're still nursing :) Get used to it! We talked to her Doctor this week and she said Em is doing wonderfully and I'm doing everything right for MY baby. So we're down to 2-3 time daily and I'll drop them when we choose. :)

On a less happy Emilie note...we found out she has a peanut allergy this week. Can you say SCARY?! She's had two noticeable reactions to peanut butter, the second was atleast 10x worse than the first which worries me. We took pictures and headed to the Doctor (after drowning her in Benadryl). By the time she saw the doctor the hives and rash had disappeared and just a little swelling was left. Luckily I'd thought to take pictures so she was able to see how bad it had been. She said that we have to avoid peanuts for sure but really ALL nuts for Emilie for many years. When Emilie is older (like late grade school) we can try an oral challenge and see if she has outgrown it or is possibly a candidate for desensitization therapy, but for now prevention is key. We sent out a mass email to family asking them to help us protect her by not having peanut products in her presence and to let us know if they can't be avoided at a function so we can choose to stay home. We built a stock of allergy fast action strips, pre-meausured liquid doses, and purchased her first epi-pen. I hope she never has to use it. But aren't we the pair with our almost matching epi-pens everywhere we go, lol. The more I learn about a peanut allergy the more worried I become, it can be a very serious and potentially life threatening allergy, but already having one of those myself I'm hopeful that we'll be able to protect her from any future incidences. And sadly you won't find peanut butter in my home anymore...its one of my favorite foods, but its not worth the risk.

One last note...She's walking! It's about 50/50 walking and crawling, but she can walk from one room to another so I suppose that means my baby is officially a TODDLER?! OY!

Here's a picture of the allergic reaction:


And here is her just being cute :)


And last, one of her with her blankie :)

Today was all smiles!

Today was all smiles for everyone here!! It started off with a wonderful blast from the past. I found myself very grateful and reminded that God is in control and that we will be taken care of. Things are starting to really look like they may be falling into place for some wonderful opportunities. After my awesome blast from the past we headed off to Kindermusik to enjoy class with our Mommy and baby friends. It was a great class as usual and I'm so glad we're doing it. Its not only wonderful for Emilie but its a great reminder that there are other Mommies out there going through the same things. We have almost as much fun together as the kiddos do!! We'd only been home a few hours when the phone rang again with more encouraging news for us...that's about the time I took this picture of Emilie, her huge smile is the perfect picture of how I am feeling today. And I guess the extra pep in my step was great because I was incredibly productive and am ending my day feeling really good about everything I've done today. Which by the way...is a pretty fantastic feeling! So today I'm borrowing a friends catch phrase, because today it really is true. Life is good!!!

On another note Emilie was a walking fool tonight!!! She tends to walk the most when no one is paying attention, we've even seen her walking and then the minute she sees us watching she drops to her knees. I think it's hilarious. But tonight I was finally able to get the camera in time and catch a few steps. Unforunately she'd decided to drown her dress playing with her sippy cup so she's looking a little on the ghetto side, but still perfectly precious :)

YES!!! I'm still nursing her!

Ok...I'll apologize in advance, but tonight is a rant. I need a little time on my soapbox or this will make me crazy, lol. Emilie will be thirteen months in two days and someone had the nerve recently to ask me "Are you seriously still nursing her?". Yes...yes I am!!!! And honestly...I'm damn proud of it!!!

First of all, nursing is the most natural way of providing nutrition for your infant. But its not just about nutrition, breastfeeding is also a comfort! Think about it for a second, within the first hour of Em's life she was already being taught to nurse. I had barely been rolled into recovery after the surgery and they were opening my gown and placing her on the breast, she instinctively knew what to do (unlike her nervous Mommy) and is something she's done SEVERAL times a day for the entirety of her life. So to those that think that just because she can have cows milk that I should abruptly stop nursing her...well...all I can nicely say is that I completely disagree. I think that weaning should be a very slow process and its a process we've begun. We've dropped a feeding and started introducing cows milk. She's not all that interested in the cows milk, ok she's not really interested at all, but we'll get there.

Here's another thing...Why do you care if I'm still nursing? I mean really??! Again...its the best nutrition she can be provided, its comforting, and its not that abnormal to be nursing after the twelfth month. In fact, a lot of Mom's choose to breastfeed until twenty-four months. I don't plan to do that, I have always said for me that is too long, because by then Emilie would be verbalizing her need/want to nurse and by that point I feel its time to have her on cows milk. But I strongly feel that taking away something that is comforting and habit for her needs to be done with extreme care, which to me means doing it slowly.

So...that's my rant for tonight. Feel free to disagree :) But you look at this sweet face and tell me that you wouldn't want to be sure you were doing things as carefully as possible!

Just have faith

I was taught another valuable lesson today...to remember to have faith! I woke up this morning feeling a little cruddy which is never a good way to start the day, my emotions tend to get the best of me when I don't feel well and then a series of stressful events entered the day and I started to feel the flood of anxiety coming over me. I let the worry take over and lost the sense of calm I've been carrying around over the last several months. You see...If you know me at all you know, calm and I don't typically go together. I'm high-strung, excitable, and a completely over the top worry wort! Its just me!!! I'd embraced that about myself until recently. Five months ago I was laid off. We were just starting to feel stable with hubby's new job and out comes the rug AGAIN! It's been one darn thing after another for the last several years so I'm not even sure why I was surprised when a new hit came. But instead of completely freaking out, I amazed myself and most people around me by how well I handled it. And somehow I've maintained a pretty good level of calmness regarding our situation since. But there are days when I just can't help it and the worry wort inside me wins and today was one of those days. I started going through the what ifs (NEVER a good idea) but in the end told myself to **after being reminded** that we are always provided for, that things always worked out, and that I just needed to have FAITH!!! Several hours after I calmed myself down, with the help of some amazing people in my life (I am not fool enough to forget to give credit where it is due, lol), I got an email that basically proved I was worrying prematurely. I found myself sitting at the screen staring...I truly believe that it was what my mom and I dub "a God thing" I was being reminded that I am not in control and that worrying does me no good, we will be taken care of. In that I have faith.

This chicken would rather be a Cheetah...

Or something fierce! I was sitting here thinking about the bundle of nerves and anxiety in my stomach and realizing again that I was having a chicken moment. I am so scared of change and even more of RISKS! I like things clean and safe and simple...why can't life be like that?! LOL. So I've decided I'd like to trade in my chicken wings for some fierce cheetah legs...I'd love to be able to make a decision and run like the wind, instead of second guessing myself every step of the way. But that leads me to remember that I need to rely on my faith, I need to trust that there is a plan for my life that is better than anything I can plan and that I can either cluck around in circles of fear like a chicken or paint my spots and run towards the open door. I read in a Ruth Graham book recently that when you don't know what your supposed to do, you should just walk through the open doors and when one closes you step aside and walk through the next open door. Those doors will lead you where you were supposed to go, even if you have no idea what the destination may be. (This is paraphrased of course). Several doors have closed for us in the last few months, but I can also look ahead and see that doors are opening. These new doors require taking a risk (which is the LEAST comfortable thing for me) but I have to trust that this door was opened for a reason and that there is something for us to learn by walking through it. So please pray that I can channel my inner Cheetah!!

On a totally different note my little love bug is getting THREE molars all at once and has really been suffering from them. She's been sleeping through the night for over three months and has woken up more in the night in the last week than in the last three months combined. I hate that she's hurting and wish there was more we could do to ease her pain...but also wish we could go back to SLEEPING!!!! LOL

Night All!

Happy First Birthday baby girl!

I can't believe my baby is a year old!! Last weekend we celebrated Emilie's first birthday with family and some friends and it was a blast! She was a total ham once she warmed up and had wonderful time. The above picture is Emilie at her one year photo shoot with Bella Jewel Photography...it was a hot Texas afternoon but we got some AMAZING photos!

This year has been such a whirlwind of emotions and I don't expect that to change anytime soon, but regardless of the any stress we've experienced its been the most amazing year of my life. Emilie has completely changed me, changed everything I thought about myself...for the better. Maybe not for the "easier" but definitely for the better :) Tonight I watched her play in the floor and was amazed that this "big girl" was the teeny baby they put in my arms just over a year ago!! She has changed and grown right before our eyes...changing us along with her in the process. I'm grateful to say its not just me that has changed, she's changed her Daddy too...I'm so proud of the man he's become. He was a great husband before and I've always been proud of him, but the man he's become as a father is just incredible. I am so blessed.

We have my Mom in town since the party and we're having such a great time letting Emilie spend some time with her Grammie! It's very clear that Em knows who her Grammie is and LOVES HER!!! Very rarely will Em bail out of my arms for someone else but it has warmed my heart to see her on SEVERAL occasions bail out of my arms to get into Grammie's lap. They love to read together and giggle...I'm loving that she's getting the opportunity to enjoy her Grammie. I'm enjoying her too! I hope Emilie enjoys time with me 27 years from now as much as I do with my Mom.

In other news this week, we had an awful 1 year well visit!! They needed to do a blood draw and they tried twice and never found a vein on my little one. It was an awful experience!! And to add insult to injury when they finally gave it up they still had to administer THREE shots!! Needless to say we were all very upset. Unfortunately we have to go on Monday and have the lab try, I called ahead and found a woman who seems very confident that she can find a vein so I'm praying that its quick and painless!!!! We also started cows milk this week, we aren't replacing any nursing sessions yet, just introducing it. She doesn't hate it...but she doesn't get excited over it either, so we'll see how this transition goes. She's working on molars and they are NOT NICE! But she's doing as well as can be expected. Today for the first time she took only one nap and did very well...I'm trying to decide if its time to continue on that path and just move away from two naps now. I think she's more ready for that than I am!

Well...that's as much of an update as I can do tonight...battery on the laptop is screaming at me :) Sorry we go so far behind! See ya soon!