I'm a wimp

I am a total wimp! I realize this. I'm weak. God created women to pro-create, our bodies were built to do this.

...BUT.. He must have missed a little something in my design because my body doesn't do this well!

(Before I worry anyone, we had our 28 week check-up and ultrasound and baby boy is doing great! Fluid levels are where they should be, nothing looks abnormal, everything is absolutely fine. Maybe other than the fact that my little guy is already just over 3 lbs at 28 weeks! WHOA! BIG BOY! I'm not counting on that too much though because they told me that Emilie would be a 9 lb baby and was delivered 7 lbs 8 oz. SO...as good as sonograms are, they're measurements aren't always that accurate.)

I'm having pain, a lot of pain. The Doctor palpated the area and said it was the edge of my liver. Apparently because I have virtually no waste there is very little room inside my body to accommodate a growing uterus without pressure on my organs. Again...something was off in my design (Seriously!). Now I know other women who are even shorter than me (ok, maybe only a handful) who don't have any issues. But my 5'-1" (on a good day) frame just apparently can't handle this with much grace. It doesn't help that my pelvic bones are apparently quite narrow so the uterus is pushed up higher, further irritating my organs. As uncomfortable as it is and disconcerting to hear that my organs are being pushed on, they believe everything is still A-OK. So...75 more days and we'll be past this phase and have a sweet little boy in our arms.

But this is where I'm a wimp...I will never claim to be one of those glowing pregnant women who "adored being pregnant". Give me a break!!! Its uncomfortable, my clothes don't fit, my face is getting fat, and the foods that sound good/don't sound good just drives me nuts. I loved my life with my little family of three, I am looking forward to my life with our little family of four, but after this....

I.AM.DONE!!!! NO MORE! First, I don't feel that maternal urge to have more. Second, I don't feel like going through this again...I am fully willing to admit it, I am a WIMP! I don't WANNA! And I won't. Luckily I can't have a lapse of judgement later or a "whoops", that just isn't possible after the hysterectomy we are doing with the cesarean. But what brought me to this rant was facebook...

I was scrolling through my facebook feed the other day when I'd wrapped up my work for the day. I'd stayed home and banked some hours while Emilie was at gymnastics with Daddy so I got wrapped up early and she's still napping...Ahhh ME time! I needed it. ANYWAYS... As I scrolled through I saw a friend that is due in just a few weeks with her third baby commenting about already planning for #4! WHAT?! They know exactly how long after this one is born they'll wait before trying to get pregnant again. Mind you, we're young...I graduated with this person so we are both just under thirty. It's enough that I'll have my two before thirty (we wanted to be young parents - fun parents, lol) but she'll have 3 and be working on 4 by thirty?! NO WAY!!! While I almost commented..."you're a better woman than I" I decided to say nothing... because I wasn't sure how it would be construed and my Momma taught me that "if you're not going to say something nice...don't say anything at all". So I kept my mouth shut. Well...on that forum, lol!

But while I don't WANT to have another baby after Landon, I realize that as a woman I am a bit of a wimp. I couldn't physically/mentally/emotionally do this all again. I'm done. So for someone my age to be able to do it twice what I will, I have to applaud her for her strength and endurance...but maybe question her sanity?!

Some women are called to have big families and lots of babies...great for them! But this Momma is D.O.N.E. DONE! I'm excited for my little perfect family of four, one girl & one boy. I'm thankful that God made the decision that we WOULD have another and I'm excited to learn about mothering a boy. I have to believe that God knows more about me than I know about myself to have graced me with a little boy to raise. I just never imagined having a boy. Don't get me wrong, its not that I didn't WANT a boy...it just wasn't what I pictured. Now I'm thankful for the opportunity raise a strong young man to present to the world. But again, while I'm grateful for both of my children...I'm equally grateful for my need of a hysterectomy, lol! Is that awful??

So while having several more children isn't for me, I do applaud those that have the heart to do so. They are stronger than me. I am not strong enough, but...I have to believe it takes strength to know your weaknesses, so I'm content to call myself a big fat WIMP here. Because its me, its my journey with my family. And in just 75 short days, this phase of our journey will be forever behind us. What a crazy thought!